Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one trying. Its not nice to be fucking ignored, not only once but multiple occasions which is why I’m so mad.
The meaning of life isn’t to make others’ miserable, unless thats your life goal then you are one sad human being.
I’ve already had enough about talking about this shit.
I’m out muu’fuckers.
Hello,
My computer is an incompetent swine.
I need to work out a place where I should start.
Right, a project that I embarked on not too long ago, has unfortunately sunk. Which is great news for me as you can imagine. Not too chuffed about it but there’s not much I can do about it. I received my letter from “Roundhouse” in Camden, saying that I have been accepted for the singing workshop I had applied for. I’m extremely excited about it and I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful and fulfilling experience.
I’ve decided to make a challenge with myself, its going to be pretty hard to stick to but I’ll do my best. It is to stop whining about this Multi-Media course. I applied for it, I wanted to do it so I’m just going to grin and bear it. Its going to benefit me in the end so I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to work my ass off until the very end and now I am prepared to do so. Every opportunity that I have to do work that needs to be completed, I’ll grab it.
O gosh, I saw the worst video on youtube yesterday. It makes me pity the human race that I was unfortunately born into, I’d much rather be a dog. “No thank you not today world” and I’d strut right back into my mums belly. Anyway, there was a girl who had posted numerous videos of herself singing and may I say RUINING other peoples songs. It was horrendous, how one could put me through so much pain is beyond me. Nevertheless, I was chuckling the whole night through. Bless ‘er. I probably got her a few more video views aswell, I had to share the news.
Thats it for now.
I’ll post back soon.
ACTUAL love.
Gabriella x
And a good one so far if i may say so myself.
I’ve finally found my glorious booky wook which I’ve missed for ages and have began to read it compulsively =]
My new Sony Ericsson W910i phone broke the other day and I had to order an exchange for next day delivery as I can hardly live without my phone, which is quite sad. Something else that I am constantly attached to now is my Russell Brand DVD, I’ve watched it so many times I can’t even count.
I have also signed up for an “Acting For Film” class, and a “Sing Out” class in The Roundhouse, situated on chalk farm road. So I’m pretty excited about starting those, just a new start really. I’m hoping to audition for Italia Conti at some point after I finish this Multimedia course I started in September 2007.
Well that’s my update so far.
Thanks For Reading.
Gabbs.
Shit much? =]
I feel so crap, it’s unexplainable I don’t even know why. Just crycrycry. There’s many more places I’d rather be than here. Not going to do my work because I don’t want to, I’ll just take a 10 minute lunch break tomorrow and do it. I’m freezing cold aswell. There’s nothing to write. I’m missing people.
Friday, was an amazing day. Got recording a song with Verney and Lyall and its well good, I can’t stop listening to it. It’s so exciting to do something that is my passion and I truely enjoy. Hopefully this won’t end in a hurry, I’m determined to give this project my all.
Weekend all round wasn’t bad =D I downloaded the new babyshambles album which is sensational. They are on tour and come to London which happens to be a tuesday. When I asked my mum if I could go she responded ” no it’s a weekday”. Just conforming to her role of a parent I feel trapped. What difference is it going to make if I go to bed at 11:30 may I ask? I usually go to bed later. I’ve got home later aswell. I don’t understand the relevance of this mindless rule. Yes I was used to it whilst 14 and asked to go to various gigs, but 16. I thought being 16 opened up more doors and freedom, clearly not. I am allowed out to gigs on weekdays when I am 18. That is utterly ludicrous, I am almost tempted to laugh uncontrollably. I was allowed out to see bring me the horizon on TWO different occasions on weekdays which MAY I ADD were school nights (one when I was 14 years of age and one when 15). I was also allowed to see bullet for my valentine (15 yrs of age) and still remains (14 years of age), also on different occasions, AGAIN on a school night. So this rule is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.
I have to also stay in on weekends. Can I say that is never going to happen in a million years. I need a social life and my own time, as do you. Let me ban you aswell shall I? Didn’t think so.
SORT IT OUT.
Life man, gets us down some, leaves us on emotional highs,lows…. and the rest.
It gets crazy,busy,etcetcetcetc. What an eventful blog.
I think back the past week usually and I realise that every single day at some point or at multiple points in one day I make references to my dad and think about him. Its so nice to not forget about him, because if I just had one more minute, I’d tell him how much I love him and that I’ll never forget him,give him a huge hug and ask him to look after me wherever he is. Because its so odd, to be here, when he’s not. I just remember going to the hospital and seeing him hooked up to all those machines, the oxygen,the sedative monitor, the heart monitor , EVERYTHING. There was so much of it, and I touched his hand and he was so nice and warm, he was sleeping, I hope he heard me and my mum talking to him. There’s so many good times we shared and I love to look back at those, but at the end of it, I still get those images of him in hospital on his own, without me to say “Daddy I love you”. And when he left, without me being there, no one called me to tell me anything, I didn’t even get one last proper goodbye. I would have said “I love you” and kissed cheek and that would have left me with something. I was so convinced that he was going to pull through and we’d go back to fun times of playing HIM on the car stereo because he liked them and messing around, throwing cushions at each other in the front room. Sitting on his knee, falling asleep on his lap all seems like a distant memory but it was only last year, and its gone so fast.
Even just being in his presence I’d feel at ease. I couldn’t sleep without saying “Love you daddy” and he’d say ” love you gabs”. And him not calling is even more strange, I expect in the middle of dinner for the phone to ring and me to pick it up and him say ” Hi darl. I just don’t feel that his death was inevitable, he got involved with the wrong person at the wrong time. Got married too quickly and that celebration of the marriage, I think that’s what did it. It interfered with his re-cooperation.
If only I could have the good days back.
If only…
Hello world I say half asleep.
Worked all through the night until 8:15 am, didn’t get much as a result of the hard work I put in but nevertheless I got something. Now I’ve finished that report and its a hands on apporach tomorrow. Leave early, early start (9am) and aim to have 2 websites completed by 2pm, meeting the requirements specified on the brief. Ontop of that I have to compile the design report which will prove a daunting but challenging task as I often get writers block.
A good day all round, tierd but it’s okay because when I get to bed. I’ll really appreciate it.
Will write back soon.
I feel like being inventive, doing something constructive like writing songs or something. I’d like to write some new acoustic songs with people, but I can’t seem to find anybody. I want to express my feelings inside, not condense them like they are now all withheld. Bring them out by singing about them. I’d like to also re-live some of my past experiences, strangely enough I’d like to go back to the bad ones to feel the emotion I did back then. Hmmmm….it’s a comfort.
I love this new start too! I’ve met so many different people and a change of environment is always nice. I’ve got to stop being so idle though, it’s ridiculous. I’ve got so much to get planned and sorted but I don’t know how I’m actually going to complete those tasks if I don’t get a move on.
Lets hope I get things done tomorrow at college.
xOh,how I wish you were still herex
Gabbi x
I decided to wipe the slate clean and instead of writing in my other blog with all the horrible memories I made a new one here on word press. I’m going to make it my “challenge” if you like,to write in here everyday. Not like anyone will read it anyway, I’m sure that people have much more interesting things to do with their time than read my thoughts and about my life.
But if it floats your boat then… it’s fine with me =D
Gabbi
x
