Gabriella-Louise

Friday, was an amazing day. Got recording a song with Verney and Lyall and its well good, I can’t stop listening to it. It’s so exciting to do something that is my passion and I truely enjoy. Hopefully this won’t end in a hurry, I’m determined to give this project my all.

Weekend all round wasn’t bad =D I downloaded the new babyshambles album which is sensational. They are on tour and come to London which happens to be a tuesday. When I asked my mum if I could go she responded ” no it’s a weekday”. Just conforming to her role of a parent I feel trapped. What difference is it going to make if I go to bed at 11:30 may I ask? I usually go to bed later. I’ve got home later aswell. I don’t understand the relevance of this mindless rule. Yes I was used to it whilst 14 and asked to go to various gigs, but 16. I thought being 16 opened up more doors and freedom, clearly not. I am allowed out to gigs on weekdays when I am 18. That is utterly ludicrous, I am almost tempted to laugh uncontrollably. I was allowed out to see bring me the horizon on TWO different occasions on weekdays which MAY I ADD were school nights (one when I was 14 years of age and one when 15). I was also allowed to see bullet for my valentine (15 yrs of age) and still remains (14 years of age), also on different occasions, AGAIN on a school night. So this rule is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.

I have to also stay in on weekends. Can I say that is never going to happen in a million years. I need a social life and my own time, as do you. Let me ban you aswell shall I? Didn’t think so.

 SORT IT OUT.

Life man, gets us down some, leaves us on emotional highs,lows…. and the rest.

It gets crazy,busy,etcetcetcetc. What an eventful blog.

I think back the past week usually and I realise that every single day at some point or at multiple points in one day I make references to my dad and think about him. Its so nice to not forget about him, because if I just had one more minute, I’d tell him how much I love him and that I’ll never forget him,give him a huge hug and ask him to look after me wherever he is. Because its so odd, to be here, when he’s not. I just remember going to the hospital and seeing him hooked up to all those machines, the oxygen,the sedative monitor, the heart monitor , EVERYTHING. There was so much of it, and I touched his hand and he was so nice and warm, he was sleeping, I hope he heard me and my mum talking to him. There’s so many good times we shared and I love to look back at those, but at the end of it, I still get those images of him in hospital on his own, without me to say “Daddy I love you”. And when he left, without me being there, no one called me to tell me anything, I didn’t even get one last proper goodbye. I would have said “I love you” and kissed cheek and that would have left me with something. I was so convinced that he was going to pull through and we’d go back to fun times of playing HIM on the car stereo because he liked them and messing around, throwing cushions at each other in the front room. Sitting on his knee, falling asleep on his lap all seems like a distant memory but it was only last year, and its gone so fast.

Even just being in his presence I’d feel at ease. I couldn’t sleep without saying “Love you daddy” and he’d say ” love you gabs”. And him not calling is even more strange, I expect in the middle of dinner for the phone to ring and me to pick it up and him say ” Hi darl. I just don’t feel that his death was inevitable, he got involved with the wrong person at the wrong time. Got married too quickly and that celebration of the marriage, I think that’s what did it. It interfered with his re-cooperation.

 If only I could have the good days back.

 If only…

Hello world I say half asleep.

Worked all through the night until 8:15 am, didn’t get much as a result of the hard work I put in but nevertheless I got something. Now I’ve finished that report and its a hands on apporach tomorrow. Leave early, early start (9am) and aim to have 2 websites completed by 2pm, meeting the requirements specified on the brief. Ontop of that I have to compile the design report which will prove a daunting but challenging task as I often get writers block.

A good day all round, tierd but it’s okay because when I get to bed. I’ll really appreciate it.

Will write back soon.

I decided to wipe the slate clean and instead of writing in my other blog with all the horrible memories I made a new one here on word press. I’m going to make it my “challenge” if you like,to write in here everyday. Not like anyone will read it anyway, I’m sure that people have much more interesting things to do with their time than read my thoughts and about my life.

But if it floats your boat then… it’s fine with me =D

 Gabbi

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